Mary, a former Hedgerow House, and Progressive Steps Apartment Program (PSAP) resident, recently celebrated her 8th year in recovery from alcohol and works full time as a Licensed Practical Nurse (LPN) at SunRISE Retreat Intensive Crisis Residence.
“Mary’s success is incredible,” says Melodie Masterson, Mary’s former PSAP Counselor. “She started her journey towards becoming an LPN while in the apartment program by attending a Certified Nursing Assistant (CNA) course. She was so determined to turn her life around. I am so happy and proud that she stuck with it after leaving PSAP, and has come so far. It is wonderful that she returned to RISE and is now working at SunRISE Retreat.”
In celebration of her 8th year of sobriety, Mary shares her recovery story:
“It wasn’t until I was at Hedgerow House, the RISE reintegration program, for the second time, that I fully grasped and started using the coping skills I needed to maintain my sobriety. Recovery is hard work. You might have a couple of failures here and there, but if you just pick yourself up and keep going, you can achieve long-term recovery. Patience and determination are key.
“One of the main coping skills I use is exercise.”
One of the main coping skills I use to maintain my recovery is exercise. When I was in PSAP, my counselor helped me get a scholarship to the YMCA. I started working out and I still do nearly every day. It is so important to me and my recovery, even when I don’t feel like exercising, I make myself do it because it helps.
Making the right choices is important, especially when it comes to friends and the people you associate with. Now that I’m sober, I have a small group of people I trust and that support me in my sobriety. I have one friend in particular, Lorraine, that I was roommates with at Hedgerow House. We are there for each other and support each other’s sobriety and have each other’s back when we are struggling.
“My struggles with alcohol began when I was in college.”
My struggles with alcohol began when I was in college. I never was a drinker as a kid, partially because I was afraid to drink because of growing up with my mother who was an alcoholic. I was a shy kid, so in college when I had my first taste of alcohol, I loved what it did for me. I loved how it made me be open and social. Suddenly, I had friends. I had a social life, something I never had before, so I ran with it and drinking became a habit.
After I graduated from college, I moved back home, got a job, and tried to focus on living a stable lifestyle. But in 2003, tough circumstances led me to turn to alcohol to cope. After college, I tried very hard not to drink because I knew it was getting out of hand, but then my mother passed away, my boyfriend of seven years broke up with me, and I suffered a horrible miscarriage. My way to deal with all that was to drink. And then I just kept drinking. From 2003 to about 2016, it was nonstop drinking.
I don’t remember much of what happened during that time. I obtained and lost several part time jobs that I worked mostly to support my drinking. In 2005, I had an alcoholic withdrawal seizure, necessitating a 2-week stay in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU). I had to relearn how to walk. You’d think that I’d never start drinking again after that, but it was so hard to stay sober. My family sent me to live with my aunt and uncle in New Jersey who were in recovery. The hope was that they’d help me stay sober, but I found a way to sneak alcohol. After a while I moved up to upstate New York to live with my father because it’d be easier to drink around him. It was, and I just kept drinking.
“I went to Hedgerow House for six months and then to HAP.”
In 2013, I sought professional help. After rehab I went to Hedgerow House for six months and then to the Hedgerow House Apartment Program (HAP). It worked for a while. I stayed sober for about 13 months. But then I fell into the trap of thinking ‘I got this, I can have just one drink and still be in control.’ I know now for a fact that that is false. You can’t just have one.
I learned the hard way, one drink led to two, and two led to non-stop drinking again. I had moved out of HAP and into my own apartment. I had a great job at a restaurant in Ballston Spa that I lost within a week once I started drinking again. I lost the apartment and was pretty much homeless for the next year- living in motels and shelters. I tried to stop on my own again. I should have learned from the first time I tried this, but I didn’t. It was horrible. I started hallucinating, hearing, and seeing things, and ended up in the hospital with severe psychosis.
That is when I said, enough is enough. I told myself, ‘You are in your late 30’s, Mary. It is time to get a grip on your drinking.’ I begged Julianne Thomas, the Hedgerow House Program Director, to let me back into the program. She did, and I spent another six months at Hedgerow House. After which I moved into a PSAP Recovery Apartment.
“I appreciated that Hedgerow House took me back a second time.”
I appreciated that Hedgerow House took me back in for a second time. It gave me the structure and the stability I needed to work on my recovery. The staff provided what we needed to succeed, even when we didn’t like it. Back then, of course, I didn’t appreciate it. But I do now.
While living in the PSAP Recovery Apartment, I started working on obtaining my CNA certification at the Wesley Community. I walked to Wesley every day regardless of the weather. Even during snowstorms, I walked the two miles each way because I was determined to make something of my life. After I moved out of the PSAP Recovery Apartment into my own apartment, I kept walking to Wesley. I dreamt of the day I would graduate from the program, start working, and could afford a car – which I now have. That is a huge accomplishment that I’m very proud of. Back then I felt it was impossible to get an apartment, to get a car, etc. But it was possible, you can have it if you want it, you just have to work for it.
“After I got my CNA, I attended BOCES to earn my LPN license.”
After I got my CNA, I attended BOCES in Hudson Falls to earn my LPN license. My first job as an LPN was back at Wesley. Then I went to Ellis Medicine for a little while, but the commute and traffic was horrible, especially with the unreliable car I had at the time. I saw on Facebook that RISE was looking for LPNs for the new Intensive Crisis Residence, SunRISE Retreat. I found out that Patricia a nurse I knew from Wesely, worked there. She said that it looked like it would be a nice program, and since it is only 5 minutes from my apartment, I decided to give it a try, and I’m glad I did. I enjoy working here.
“The road to my recovery was hard, but worth it.”
The road to my recovery was hard. I remember when I was living in downtown Saratoga and waking up in the morning hung over and looking out the window and seeing people dressed up, going out to breakfast, and just thinking, ‘Look at them, they’re showered, they’re dressed, they’re clear headed, they’re going out to enjoy the day. And look at me. I’m in this condition.’
Being an alcoholic is exhausting. You worry about where you’re going to find more money for alcohol. When you run out, you go into panic mode.
My life is very different today, thanks to the help I received at RISE. I’m stable, achieving the goals I set out for myself and I’m working on repairing the damage I did to my family. I’m close with my father, but I have three sisters and, to be honest, they’re not 100% over my behavior during active addiction. It takes a lot to make your family forgive you, but it’s better, and in time I’m hoping we can become close like we were before.”