My name is Jess. I’m a thriving 26-year-old living independently in a Progressive Steps Apartment Program (PSAP) apartment. I am currently sober and in recovery, but I have battled my whole life with my mental health and with substance use addiction.
I grew up in Daytona beach Florida. When I was 4 years old, I lost my mother. She passed away from breast cancer when she was 37. While my dad was devastated, I never knew my mother. I don’t remember much of her. Just the stories about her told by family members.
After my mothers’ death, my father started using drugs and drinking heavily. Smoking 3-4 packs of cigarettes per day. I told myself, when I got older, I would never be that way, and do those things. Little did I know I was in for a wild ride myself.
“My dad inadvertently introduced me to my first beer..”
When I was 8 years old my dad inadvertently introduced me to my first beer. I would sneak the beers he had open and drink them. He thought nothing of it, thinking he just finished one and opened a new one.
My dad continued to battle with alcoholism and drug use until he passed away. He used to have women and his drug dealers at the house. He was trying to cope with his pain in the only way he knew how. But instead of coping he was just masking his pain, which is exactly what I started doing after he passed away. At the age of 12, I lost my dad. He lost his battle. He was 46.
Soon after my father died, I was shipped from Florida to Delaware to live with an aunt and uncle that I didn’t know from Adam. They got me into counseling, but I wanted to talk on my own terms, and I wasn’t ready to talk yet.
“I used substances to self-medicate. I didn’t want to feel anything.”
I met someone who introduced me to marjiuana. I smoked a LOT of pot, smoked cigarettes, and drank liquor. I made some “friends” who were older than me and I hung out with them a lot. Which also made it easy for me to get anything and everything I wanted at the time. I used substances to self-medicate. I didn’t want to feel, I wanted to numb the pain. I just lost both my parents and I was not dealing with anything. The only way I knew how to cope was doing what my dad used to do. I was headed down that same path.
Seven years later I got kicked out of my aunt and uncle’s house, on Christmas Day. I was 19, I was still in school, and I was working at a grocery store as a cashier. I panicked. I packed up my room, packed my car full of my stuff, and called my best friend at the time, Hannah. I asked her if it wouldn’t be a bother for me to come and stay with her.
While I lived there, I partied a lot. I drank and used drugs. I wasn’t doing well in my mental health at all. It was a vicious cycle.
“I needed a fresh start and moved to upstate New York.”
I finally decided that I needed a fresh start. I saved up some money and told my brother and sister-in-law that I wanted to come live with them. The day I graduated from high school I took a road trip and followed my brother and sister-in-law, who came for my graduation, all the way from Delaware to Upstate New York.
Although I wanted to change my life, my actions didn’t prove that I did. I was in the same vicious cycle again, just in another state. People, places, things, and mindset all influence you. I changed the people, I changed the places and things, but not the mindset.
My mindset was to use substances to “cope,” with the losses I had suffered. It wasn’t long before I got wrapped up in the people that used drugs and alcohol in this area. Within two years, I got a Driving While Intoxicated (DWI) charge after I blew a 1.0 during on the breathalyzer – well above the legal limits. I went to court, and they suspended my license. It was the biggest mistake of my life. The court offered to drop the DWI down to an Adjournment in Contemplation of Dismissal (ACOD) if I completed treatment. I had to pay multiple thousands of dollars in fines and attend the Center for Recovery.
“Staying sober was my ultimate goal.”
Staying sober was my ultimate goal. Sometimes it takes a hard knock back to realize you have a problem. But admitting you do have one is the first step. To anyone and everyone struggling with addiction, I want you to know it is possible to recover. I’ve been in and out of homeless shelters, the Wait House, Shelters of Saratoga, and living motels. Finally, I went to Milestone Manor, a RISE Community Residence, and began rebuilding my foundation and developing coping skills.
I want to give a big shout out to Dawn Daum, Milestone Manor Program Director. She and Milestone staff helped me overcome so many obstacles. I put in work. I attended Reflections PROS, a psychiatric rehabilitation outpatient program. I also attended groups at Healing Springs in Saratoga. Both PROSE and Healing Springs are amazing resources for those who need support with their recovery.
I put in so much work and effort while at Milestone Manor. I stabilized my mental health and worked on my recovery. Now I’m living independently with my best friend in a PSAP apartment. I’m in therapy and I am taking my meds as prescribed. I’ve had my setbacks and relapses, but I keep moving forward in my recovery. I have 10 weeks clean from marijuana. I have almost 5 years clean from spice and cocaine. And even though I had a couple alcohol relapses since 2019, I haven’t drunk alcohol in three years.
Nothing changes if you do not change your people, places, things, and your mindset. End the vicious cycle. Break the cycle. We do recover – if you put in the work.